This weekend, again, I decided to stay off Twitter, and binge The West Wing instead. (It’s now overdue again from the library. I should have just given them $10 when I picked it up.) Sometime on Saturday night, and on my (third) (??) glass of wine, I started watching the episode called “The Drop-In,” followed by “Bartlet’s Third State of the Union.” I started by jotting down some of the better dialogue because I was cackling through the entire thing, basically. So what follows are my transcribed handwritten notes in italics, along with some random observations in parentheses.
BARTLET: “Leo, were you born at the age of 55?” (Leo apparently had never read the “Peanuts” comic strip. Yes, I get he’s a TV character, but honestly. That’s ridiculous.)
***
dude from Police Academy movies. (OK, this was Tackleberry! Who knew he got more work after “Police Academy?”)
***
“It shall be the unequivocal opinion of the United States government that global warming presents a clear and present danger to the health and future well-being of this planet and all its inhabitants.” That was silly Sam Seaborn. Obviously, as we all now know, global warming is some sort of liberal scam.
***
Donna thinks Lord John Marbury is handsome. I mean
***
JOSH: Can I have her for a second?
CJ: Why did you ask him (Toby) and not me?
JOSH: He looked in charge!
CJ: Of where I go?
(Incidentally, CJ is a boss and you are not!
***
BARTLET: Sweden has a 100 percent literacy rate, Leo. How do they do that?
LEO: Maybe they don’t and they also can’t count.
***
BARTLET: They’re gonna come at me with vegan food and pitchforks.
CHARLIE: That doesn’t really sound like something people really do.
BARTLET: Still, I’d like you to get in the way of me and any boiled seaweed you see coming my way.
***
Black man couldn’t get a break with Democrats either. #funnyjokesmatter (OK, this was the black comedian who made the joke about cops killing black people and he had to back out of hosting a Dem fundraiser event because the president laughed at the joke.
***
Lord John Marbury is growing on me.
***
Yo, we have never had a dumber TV president than the real president we have now.
***
Ted McGinley is basically timeless. (and impervious to age! How do you have the same exact face in 2000 as you do did on “The Love Boat in the ’80s?)
***
It’s a really good thing I’m not in Congress right now because I’d be throwing popcorn at Trump during his State of the Union. Just petty like that. Booing like a mo-FOOO!
***
Ainsley came out of the basement to trash the White House. “… not 100 percent constitutional?” (GIRL.)
***
Corbin Bernsen has been acting for at least 30 years. His mother is a friggin’ soap icon. He can’t drink out of a clearly empty mug without giving the game away?
***
Why are women losing their clothing items in odd ways? (CJ did a TV segment without pants. (Still a boss.) Ainsley’s walking around the White House basement in a bathrobe. (Wondering if she’ll eventually run into Mandy down there …) Donna and the underwear. OK, confession time. That one actually almost happened to me. OK, it did happen to me. I was just still at home, mercifully.)
***
Donald Trump is going to have to give a SOTU address. That’s cool. Because I think we know the state of our union. It’s very good. Many people have said it’s the best state and the best union in many, many years. Believe me. We’re working on great things. I make deals and we’re going to change how we’re doing things. We need to win again. So the SOTU is very, very, very good, I think and many fine people agree.
Many people are saying we have the statiest union we’ve ever had.
(I can’t believe I didn’t get “drain the swamp” in there somewhere.
***
Women are second-class citizens on West Wing, too. Not great when you’re worried about political blowback over something called the Violence Against Women act.